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Naughty Jokes March 27, 2009

Posted by bloggerrkumar in Naughty Jokes.
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Ek pathan ke pass blank message aya,
Pathan ne us number pe phone kar ke bola. :”tum ko pata hai yara, tumhare mobile ka ink khatam ho gaya hai.”

 

Old Man-“putar ander se mere daant Le AA”
Pota-“par dada ji abhi roti to bani nahi”
Budda– “o nahi putar roti nahi khani samne wali buddi nu smile deni HAI ”

 

Ek ladke ko kya chahiye?
Ek ladki Jo pyar de,
Ek ladki Jo acha khana banaye,
Ek ladki Jo us ki khob khidmat kare,
AUR YE TEENO LADKIYAN APAS MEIN MIL-JUL KER RAHEIN…

 

Patient: mujhe problem hai. Na khaoon to bhookh lagti hai,
na sou to neend aati hai, zada kam kar ke thak jata hoon.
Doctor : sari raat dhoop main betho theek ho jao gaye.

 

Bhikari: sahab ek rupiya de do.
Sahab: tumhe sharam nahi aati, road par khade hokar bhikh mangte.
Bhikari: abe tere ek rupiye ke liye office kholu kya

 

LALU Bus Ke UPAR KHADA THA
RASTE ME TUFAaN AAYA
uski DHOTI UD GAYI
aur theek uske turant baad “BIJLI KADKI”
To LALU bola “EK TO HAMAR DHOTI CHIN LI UPARSE SASURA FOTU LET HO.”

 

A group of terrorists hijacked a plane full of politicians.

They called down to ground control with their list of
demands and added that if their demands weren’t met,
they would release one politician every hour.

 

MACHHAR SONG:
Bhigi SKIN teri,Pyasa DANKH mera.
Lage AMRIT sa muje KHOON tera.
Kabhi meresath koiRAAT gujar,
Tuje subah tak me kardu BIMAR.

 

BHAKT JANO, AAGE SUNO…

Ek samay ki baat hai Lakshmi ji ka vahan Ullu unse ruth gaya aur bola…
Aapki sab puja karte hain par mujhe koi nahi puchta…
Lakshmi ji boli ” ‘ab se har saal meri puja se 10-15 din pehle tumhari puja hogi….
Us din sab Ullu puje jayenge.
Tabhi se Diwali ke pehle us din ko
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
KARVA CHAUTH ke naam se manaya jaata hai…..

Sare ullu maharaj ki… JAI HO

 

Paro aur chandramuki ka noor app pe barse,
har koi aapke sath sone ko tarse,
aapke jeevan me aaye itni ladkiyan,
ki app CHADDI pahen ne ko tarse.

 

Ek Jawaan khoobsurat ladki ne ek Old man se shadi ker li
Uski ek saheli ne poochha: Tumne is old man se shadi kya dekh ker ki..?
Ladki: Uske Pass Dher sari daulat, property aur uske jeewan ke kam din dekh ker..!!

 

Boy: Yaar tum really bahut achchha gana gati ho..!!
Girl (With shy): Are nahin main to bathroom singer ho..!
Boy: Good..!! to phir chalo Mehfil Sajate hain….!! 😉

 

I love ur attitude of being positive & make others of being
so but it can b so dangerous 4 u. U know why ???

 

GUESS ???
NO !!!
GUESS AGAIN ?????
NO…..?? i give u one more chance……… guess ONCE AGAIN !!!!!
OK… HAAR MAAN LEE..?
IN CASE OF HIV
IF U R & U R TRYNG 2 MAKE OTHERS, SO BE CAREFUL NEXT TIME OF BEING +VE.

 

If U find a friend better than me, Go Ahead…. I wont Stop u!

But when he/she leaves u, Look behind….

I will be there to…
.
.
Slap U….

 

Tum dur sahi majbur sahi par yaad tumhari aati hai,
Tum saans wahan lete ho par badbu yahan tak aati hai
Use Chota pepsodent ab only Rs 5/-

 

Man : my wife is too good.
She can talk on any subject for hours.
Friend : Ahh!!! My wife is better,
She does not even need a subject to talk about.

 

Dad : Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Son : Not much dad, just a radio with a sports car around it.

 

If you do NOT have a Girl Friend – You are missing SOME thing in your life.
If you HAVE a Girl Friend – You are missing EVERY thing in your  life.

 

Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest.
They  see an ELEPHANT coming towards them. Ant 1 says : we should  KILL him.
Ant  2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone. Ant 3 says : No, we  will just  throw him away from our path.
Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE  him because  he is ALONE and we are FOUR.

 

Lalu Goes 2A Shop & Asks:
A Bandarva Ka Photu Kitne Ka He Re?
Shopkepper: Woh Phutwa Nahin Sahib
Wo To Seesa (Mirror) He!

 

Doctor implants new ear to a man.
Man: U fraud, U gave me a woman’s ear.
Doctor: It makes no difference.
Man: It does, now I can hear everything but understand nothing.

 

Sweetest Proposal by a kg class Boy
Boy:Kya tu mujhse shadi kalegi?
Gal:Nahi
Boy:Kalle na plz
Gal:nahi mai nahi kalungi….. ..
Boy:kall na didi plzzzzzzzzzz

 

Ek custmer ne restaurant mein soup ka order diya.
Jab soup aya to use bathroom jana pada.
lekin us soup ko koi pee na jaye, usne napkin per likh diya “Mainne is soup mein thook diya hai”
Jab wo bathroom se lauta to usi napkin pe likha tha “Main ne Bhi”

 

Ek pregnent lady swami ji ke pass gayee.
Swami ji ne use bataya ki bachche ke paida hone ke baad hi iska baap mar jayega.
Lady says: “Thank God, My husband is safe..”

 

Rama ne apni saheli Roza se kaha, “Jaanti ho kal raat main ghar mein akeli thee, aur rohan aa gaya.”
Roza: Achchha…? phir kyaa hua…?
Rama: wo kamre mein aaya, batti bujhayee, phir mujhe bed pe bithaya… khud bhi baithaa….
Roza: Phir…? Phir…??
Rama: Phir wo mere paas dheere se aaya… aur… ..!!!
Roza: Are aur kyaa…? bol jaldi bol mujhe bechaini ho rahi hai…!
Rama: Arre Phir kyaa usne apne jeb mein haath dala aur apni nayi RADIUM wali ghadi mujhe dikhayee…!!!! 😦

Ek raah chalti ladki ko ek ladka chhedte hue bola: Aa jao janam mere paas kafee dinon se koi mili nahin hai..
Ladki boli: Dekho main police to bulaoongi..
ladka: Arrey tab to tumhein bahut khatra hai…
Ladki: Kyoon…?
Ladka: Kyoonki police wale to 6 – 6 mahine (Months) ghar nahin jaate…!:-)

 

Luv and Kuch are going to a village & in between comes A well.
Luv falls into the well. Why???
Because Luv (love) is blind !!!!!
Now, Kuch also jumps inside. Why??
Because “Luv ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!!!!

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