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Santa Banta Jokes January 1, 2009

Posted by bloggerrkumar in Santa Banta Jokes.
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Doctor to Santa: Ab aapki tabiyat kaisi hai.
Santa : Doctor saheb Pehle se jyada kharab ho gayi hai.
Doctor : dawai khali thi kya?
Santa : Nai doctor saheb. dawai ki shishi to bhari hui thi.
Doctor : Are Sardar ji mere kehne ka matlab hai ki, dawai le li thi kya?.
Santa : Ji, aapne dawai de di thi aur maine le li thi.
Doctor : Abe, dawai pili thi kya?
Santa : Oho, nai doctor saheb dawai to lal thi.
Doctor : Abe GADHE, Dawai ko peeliya tha kya?
Santa : Nai. Doctor, Peeliya to mujhe tha.
Doctor (in frustration) : Abe teri to, Dawai ko muh lagakar Pet me dala tha ki nai?
Santa : Nai doctor saheb.
Doctor : Kyon?
Santa : Kyonki dhakkan band tha.
Doctor : Teri sale, to Khola kyon nai.
Santa : Saheb, aapne hi to kaha tha ki, shishi ka dhakkan band rakhna.
Doctor : Tera ilaz main nai kar sakta.!
Santa : Accha Doctor saheb ye to bata do ki main thik kaise hounga
Doctor : Abe teri… @#$! ^&*!

Santa: Unki gali se jab mera janazza nikla
Wo na nikle jinke liye mera janaja nikla
Unka ghar aaya toh mujhe bhul kar
Mere dost sitee bajane lage
Rakh kar mera janaza kambakth use patane lage

Khuda Karay K Tum Ko Judai Na Milay
Kabhi Bhi Tanhai Na Milay
Mujhay Sms Na Karo To Kuch Aisa Ho
Ki Mosam Ho Sardi Ka Or Tum Ko Razai Na Milay

Girl  : (Emotionaly)

Darte hain agg say kahin jal na jayen..
Darte hain Khwab say Kahin Toot Na jayen..
Lakin Sub Say Ziada Darty hain Es baat say…
Kay App Hamain KAhin Bhool Na jaye..

Boy :

Yeh mat sochna ki hum bhool jayenge tuemhe…
Door rehkar bhi hamesha chahenge tumhe…
Agar Dost bankar raas na aaye to…..
Bhoot bankar darayenge tumhee…

Banta joins army, given AK 47.

He’s puzzled & asks Major: Sir, yeh bandook ki nali samne rakhun ya ulta?

Major: Kisi bhi taraf rakho, faida desh ka hi hoga.

Santa talking on phone.
Banta: Kis se baat kar rahe ho?

Santa: Biwi se.
Banta: Oye yaar.. Itne pyar se…?
Santa: Tumhari hai na.

SANTA-yaar tumne apni biwi ko talak kyu diya?

BANTA-yaar wo badi characterless thi,
Shadi mujse ki aur bacha bhagwan se mangti thi.

In a party a lady wanted to go to the  toilet badly.
So she approached the host Santa and asked,

“Where is your  SUSU place,  Please show me.”

Santa winked at the lady and said.
“Yea, naughty girl, First you show me your SUSU place and then I will show you mine.”

A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating. ……
A Sardar for an exam had studied only one essay ‘FRIEND’,
but in the exam the essay which came was ‘FATHER’ .

He replaced friend with father in the essay and it read:
“AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS,
SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE.
MY TRUE FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.

Interviewer: what s ur qualification?
Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.
Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY.. ..

Santa traveling 1st time in plane going to BOMBAY,
While landing, he shouted : “BOMBAY-BOMBAY”,
Air hostess  : ” B-silent  please “,
Santa shouted now : ” OMBAY – OMBAY…..!!!!!!! ! “

Santa told Banta: “Yaar 1 ladki mujko Hans ke dekh rahi hai”
Banta: “Dhyan se dekh..Hans ke dekh rahi hai ya dekh ke Hans rahi hai.!”

Santa went TO SEE a girl for marrige
Parents decided to let them be alone to talk
Santa: Behanji aap kitne bhai-behan ho?
Girl: Pehle 3 the ab 4 ho gaye

Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who r u?
Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya

After unsuccessful attempts to land the plane airhostess was repeatedly saying..
“we r on outskirts.”
Santa shouted “when will we enter the skirts?”

A dog was chasing SANTA and the SANTA was laughing
A bystander : why are you laughing ?
SANTA : I have a Airtel phone, but still hutch network is following.

Santa: If I die, will you remarry?
Jeeto: No! I’ll stay with my sister. But if I die will you remarry?
Santa: No, I’ll also stay with your sister.

Santa: Why are all these people running?
Banta: This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Santa: If only winner will get the cup, why are others running?

 

Santa’s Son: What is diffrence between “Confidence” and “Confidential”?
Santa: you are my son, i am confident, Ur friend is also my son that is Confidential.

Santa ek building ki floors gin raha tha… tabhi ek police wala agaya aur bola: “Is building ke floors ginna mana hai… tumne kaun si mazil tak gina…”

Santa Bola: 5th floor tak gina tha saab..

Police: chalo 700/- rupess fine do. (santa 700/- de deta hai)

Banta: tumko police wale ne fool banaya.., Santa: nahin mainne use fool banaya.. actually main to 10th foor tak gina thaa. 🙂

Santa: What is Democratic differences between USA & India-
Banta: In USA you can kiss in public places but cannot shit,
In India you can shit in public places but cannot  kiss!

A software engineer was smoking.
Santa was  standing  nearby  said  to him “can’t you see the Warning, Smoking is injurious to health..!’.
He replied “We are bothered only about Errors, not Warnings !!”

Santa: What’s the name of ur car?
Banta: I don’t know but it starts with “T”
Santa: Kamal hai yaar teri gaddi tea nal start hundi hai, apni te Petrol nal start hundi hai.